Where to find free jokes

I can write jokes — I just choose not to. She was wearing massive gloves. The guy who invented the other three? He was the genius. Wellington boots? So we stopped playing chess. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? You know that white thing on his head?

The Grand Canyon was like that when they found it! Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. An owl is essentially a one-piece unit. It means I can only play the homeless, and possibly Jesus. One day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

Good clean jokes — jokes that are genuinely funny but perfectly appropriate — are hard to come by. R-rated humor is easy, but making people laugh without invoking adult-only language is a real, rare talent that can elicit the funniest material. Consider it playing by the Jerry Seinfeld rules of comedy: never exploit an F-bomb to get an easy laugh. Working that much harder for the reward makes the giggles you get that much more gratifying, anyway. And a wholesome joke provides a chance for people of all ages to laugh hard together.

Consider these funnies Lysol-ed: Not a filthy thing about them. A clever and wholesome joke will take you back to the days when you got a brain freeze from speed-eating your popsicle so you could read the joke of the day beneath the flavored ice.

I was told that I needed to come up with a joke for this thing, and I've always been one of those people who messes up the punchline, so I figured I should probably prepare for it. So I went to a bookshop and found a good joke book, to try and get some inspiration, or just plain steal a joke to use.

When I got home, I realized I'd accidentally bought a thesaurus. As you can understand, I was pretty crushed Winny Y. Once there was a man who went to an exotic country and came across a stall selling handmade handheld fans. After using it the first time, it broke so he took it back for a refund.

The owner listened to the complaints and finally asked him how he used the fan. The man demonstrated flapping the fan as one would normally do. Then the owner said, "Ah! No wonder! You have been using the fan wrong. This is the way to use it. Diana M. A designer walks into a bar. A product manager walks into the bar and asks for a drink. A drunk Elm programmer walks into the bar.

Finally, a QA engineer walks into the bar, orders a beer, ten beers, 2. Tom R. When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals. Rebecca S. Did you know that the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is only ever a whim away?

A whim away Prince L. And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall receive eternal life! Bhairavi T. Dani A. Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up! I just feel bad that you're standing alone Jason O. My housemate is a huge Richmond Tigers fan. Now the Richmond Football Club in Melbourne hadn't been in the grand final since way before she was born so this was a big deal for her.

Unfortunately, she hadn't expected them to make it to the grand finals after all, they never had made it in her life so far so when she was planning her wedding she had picked that same spring afternoon.

Devastated as she realized she couldn't possibly do both, she resigned herself to making the difficult choice, the only choice, and posted on Facebook "If anyone would like to take my place this Saturday, 2 pm at St Mark's Chapel, let me know. Deepa S. Why did the donut go to the dentist? To get a filling. Jaime T. Customer What do you call Batman when he skips church?

Christian Bale. Robert J. Have you heard about the band MB? Kunwardeep B. My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more. Michael R. Why did the car get a flat tire? Because there was a fork in the road! Martin V. An Italian businessman goes to Indonesia for a business trip.

He hates Indonesian food, so he asked the concierge in his hotel, "Is there any restaurant where I can find Italian food here? He takes the pizza and eats it. Suddenly he's sneezing uncontrollably and shouting to the delivery person, "What did you put on this pizza?! The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put exactly what you ordered on the phone, sir. It's pepper only". Olga S. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? The Empire State Building can't jump.

Lauren M. Why don't scientists trust Atoms? They make up everything. Kristopher H. Rebecca V. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Sebastian C. A carrot! Tom G. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.

James B. What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? A Do-you-think-he-saw-us! David M. Two friends are walking down the street thinking of something to do. One friend turns to the other and says, "Let's go get a drink, there's this new place that does THE best punch you'll ever drink. So they make their way to the bar and walk straight up to the bartender "Bartender, two glasses of your best punch please.

The bartender replies in a stern voice, "If you want some punch you're gonna have to get in line like everybody else. For full functionality of this site it is necessary to enable JavaScript. Here are the instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your web browser.

Your browser is out of date. Our website is built to provide a faster, more engaging experience. Your browser may not support all of our features. Please update to the latest version of Microsoft Edge or contact your network administrator. Skip to main content. Article Employee experience 14 min read. Lexi Croswell Writer, Culture Amp. Funny jokes to share with your coworkers Customer Group Campers We operate within a team-based structure , and our customer group is responsible for finding, winning, and keeping customers.

Look for the "Fresh Prints" Nadeje M. Person who invented public bathroom stalls: Can't stress how unimportant that part is Jasmine E. Had enough funny business?

Humanizing performance: Tips for people-centric reviews Read article. Aligning compensation to organizational culture Read article. How to pay your ERG leaders Read article. Build a world-class employee experience today.